Sunday, April 5, 2009

A complete 180

Wow where have I been hiding for the last couple months?? Creating a new life is all. Carl and I - eh, who really knows. We're broke up, we're trying again, he blows off my bday, he makes it up, yada yada I stopped keeping track! Now, however, he may be moving home to get custody of his daughter, in which case, there might be a viable chance at a relationship again if he's actuually HERE in TOWN!

Lol, at this point, however, I really do not care. My life no longer revolves around him, as I have been practicing the 11 Forgotten Laws, aka law of attraction. Not the hokey "oh beings are speaking to me from the great beyond", "I'm connecting with an ascended master ir spirit guide" blah blah blah; no, I am Catholic and thus I only believe in God and the "ascended" saints who walked this earth before me. However, I apparently have always been a pessimist trapped in a life of feeling lack and want, and WOW what a hard, grueling trip it's been turning a LIFETIME of consciousness around! "As we think, so we are"... haven't we all heard that proverb? Or Jesus preaching, "Whatever you as from the Lord, believe you have already received it, and you will get it", or "Knock and the door shall be opened; ask and ye shall receive," etc... I have never really pondered and dwelled upon it or had FAITH in it. I always dwell on what's wrong or what I'm missing or wanting, and I never get it! I'm so focused on lack. WELL, I've been focusing on my blessings, what I DO have, and feeling CONFIDENT what I need God will provide. I "see" what I need already in my house, etc, and it's been turning up! Today I got a free futon mattress that's been sat on all of 5 times. AND best of all, Carl is going to church too! A Holy week miracle lol.

I'm waffling on moving to my house or staying at Carls. His house is so much bigger and nicer, and of course, I dont have to pay any bills. however after months and thousands of dollars working on MY house, the kids wanna be there instead. My friend wants to rent it, which would be handy, but I think I may have to wait to see if Carl actually DOES move home, and go from there. People really shouldn't live together before marriage, I learned that much.

My website is hopefully about to come together. I set a goal now instead of dinkin around online all day reading gossip, playing Vampires on Myspace, and IMing, I'm actually gonna start putting my site in order. Writing articles, studying marketing, etc. I've been working out good, eating better, and all around becoming healthier again. I'm nicer to my kids. I'm not blowing my top all the time. I dont get pissy over things I cant control. I'm HAPPY without Wellbutrin!! Whaaaaaaa?!?! lol

Speaking of which, I best be off to exercise now, while I'm pumped and ready to sweat! By the time I throw my daughter in the tub and get her into bed, I'll be ready for bed myself! hehe More to blog later I'm sure!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Master Cleanse is a Master Pain to start!

Ok so Carl leaving and PMS has killed my diet. I am attempting to get back on the lemonade diet cuz it always kills my cravings for all things salt & BREAD, but MAN it takes me eons to finally stick with it!! Like 2 wks now I've been makin the juice n letting it sit! So far today so good, only some walnuts. Yest was ok til supper when I binged on sloppy joe mix & zesty french fries!!! I was stressed about not getting all my offers finished on, instead all my money is being sucked away before I get paid for going green!! Arrrrrrrrrggggg! On a positive note, a guy called about buying my van but I'm willing to be I'll only get $500ish out of it, cuz it's been sitting so long I doubt it even starts, in addition to the head gasket that needs repaired and my stupid loser uncle who demolished the pain job by RAAAAAAAAAKING the lawn mower across every single side of it cutting grass this summer. How STUPID can you be!?!? Well I gotta go check bank accounts again and get a workout in, cuz I've been slackin there too. I did yoga cardio conditioning day before yest, but yest nada cuz I was gone most of the day. I want to stick with my every other day weights and everyday cardio. I feel soooooooooo good then and look bom-chicka-wow-wow!! hehe Happy fasting everyone!

Friday, January 9, 2009

Snow and ICE hehe

Well, my dear Carl has made it back to El Paso after 2 days of airplane mechanical issues. 2 days he should have stayed HERE!! lol But I am elated we already got an extra 5 days together thanks to government funding mess ups. At least now I can focus back on my contest and getting the hot bottom half I want! I did turbulence training for abs wkout B yest, the most wicked of the lot. Ok well ALL 3 are crazy tough, but I'm seeing new muscles I dont think I've EVER had before! Like on the side of my hip -- ooooooooo yes! So long as the fat loss keeps rolling down my body and the muscles keep makin their way south too, I should FINALLY have sexy legs, for like the 1st time since.... ever?? hehe

I have lots of job apps in, hopefully things look up now employment wise. I have an interview next week as a school health aid, which would rock being home when the kids are home, but it's only 10 hrs a week maybe, so I need to find out if there's possibility for more bc I have an uber expensive private high school next year for my younger son, my older one starts driving and will be a jr (college anyone?? Luckily he's wanting to join the AF before he goes to school, then become a cop) and my daughter starts private grade school (kindergarten, which us slightly cheaper then the normal grades) and then there's this little matter of a

Did I mention we went in to size my original ring, and Carl ended up getting me one twice as big and as perfect as ever?? Ok I picked it, but still... he paid the extra! SO pretty! I'm getting a plain shiny white gold band with scattered little diamonds around it, so it doesnt take away from my precious.. hehe I also found a plain shiny white gold band with diamonds only along the bottom, which might be good to solder together, so I will ponder this.. THE NEXT 2-3 YRS!! I am super excited tho bc the priest from my old church said he'd marry us (I am still a member, but attend the church for my kids' school now for the tuition credit) so I was worried he wouldn't. Now it's just a minor eternity waiting to find out if Carl heads to the mid-east again or not so I can set a REAL date and not have my potentials floating around in my head! I know the hall I want so I want to book it asap, and with Notre Dumb football messing up half the weekends in fall it's tricky planning. Once I'm employed I can start looking at dresses, I have lots of ideas and a LONG time to look lol. Luckily with these 2 TT contests I KNOW I will stay in shape for something sexy. And my thigh highs and garter belt I'm working towards! hahahaha

Well I'm watching the downfall of major snow, debating on when to go out and snowblow (the 1st time, it will def need to be done again!) I need to hit the store and get more healthy food for the weekend. Plus I have mega laundry to fold and cardio to get in, so SIGH, I guess I'll get moving now. Happy Friday all, take care!

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Happy New Year!!!

WOW I havent blogged on here since early december!!!! Yowzahs!! It's been a great month and a very happy ending to 08! Carl proposed "officially" Xmas eve in front of his family, in his dress blues, and totally surprised me! I was shaking so bad I'm surprised he got that rock on my finger! THEN when we took it in to get sized NYE, he traded up for one twice as big and blingy!!! Swoon! I am quite misty eyed he goes back day after tomorrow, flight leaves at 5am (I hate our airport, no good flights in or out!! When he flies in, its at 11pm, but when he goes, it's 5am! Cant they switch?!?!) Faith will be one sad little girl when he goes, she hasnt left his side since he arrived. AND Carl's bitch azz ex wife not only didnt let his daughter come up after he was in a friggin WAR last Xmas, she didnt so much as call him or let him talk to Victoria!! Can you believe dat chit?? So needless to say, next year when he gets back from Texas, or if he goes to Afghanistan next yr, then when he comes home from THAT, he's takin her to court and just getting full custody. They have joint now, and if that psycho witch is pullin this crap now, yeah, it's only gonna get worse when she finds out Carl proposed!! She wanted to come up here for the holidays and Carl told her to get lost, so therein lies the instigator. Me growing up without my dad, and seeing Faith without her dad (even tho she's over there several days a week!!) LITTLE GIRLS NEED THEIR FATHERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Otherwise they are insecure, clingy, get all caught up in crushes and attaching themselves to men. Speaking of which, I need to call the dance studio and get my beanie baby enrolled!!!! SO CUUUUUUUUUUTE in her little leotard!!!

Anyway for me, 2009 is going to be FABULOUS!! I know it, I've decided it! I am going to find the job of my dreams or figure out how to make money online finally, I am going to be (already AM!) in the best shape of my life, I have a beautiful wedding to plan, my son will start driving, maybe go back to school for something, and change my entire attitude to gratitude and stop my obsessive worrying lol. I have Faith thru Him Who stengthens me!

As for now............. I am off to watch the Redwings continue to whip some Blackhawk butt!!! heh heh heh. And see if I can talk Carl into steak for supper..... YUM!! MEAT!!