Sunday, April 5, 2009

A complete 180

Wow where have I been hiding for the last couple months?? Creating a new life is all. Carl and I - eh, who really knows. We're broke up, we're trying again, he blows off my bday, he makes it up, yada yada I stopped keeping track! Now, however, he may be moving home to get custody of his daughter, in which case, there might be a viable chance at a relationship again if he's actuually HERE in TOWN!

Lol, at this point, however, I really do not care. My life no longer revolves around him, as I have been practicing the 11 Forgotten Laws, aka law of attraction. Not the hokey "oh beings are speaking to me from the great beyond", "I'm connecting with an ascended master ir spirit guide" blah blah blah; no, I am Catholic and thus I only believe in God and the "ascended" saints who walked this earth before me. However, I apparently have always been a pessimist trapped in a life of feeling lack and want, and WOW what a hard, grueling trip it's been turning a LIFETIME of consciousness around! "As we think, so we are"... haven't we all heard that proverb? Or Jesus preaching, "Whatever you as from the Lord, believe you have already received it, and you will get it", or "Knock and the door shall be opened; ask and ye shall receive," etc... I have never really pondered and dwelled upon it or had FAITH in it. I always dwell on what's wrong or what I'm missing or wanting, and I never get it! I'm so focused on lack. WELL, I've been focusing on my blessings, what I DO have, and feeling CONFIDENT what I need God will provide. I "see" what I need already in my house, etc, and it's been turning up! Today I got a free futon mattress that's been sat on all of 5 times. AND best of all, Carl is going to church too! A Holy week miracle lol.

I'm waffling on moving to my house or staying at Carls. His house is so much bigger and nicer, and of course, I dont have to pay any bills. however after months and thousands of dollars working on MY house, the kids wanna be there instead. My friend wants to rent it, which would be handy, but I think I may have to wait to see if Carl actually DOES move home, and go from there. People really shouldn't live together before marriage, I learned that much.

My website is hopefully about to come together. I set a goal now instead of dinkin around online all day reading gossip, playing Vampires on Myspace, and IMing, I'm actually gonna start putting my site in order. Writing articles, studying marketing, etc. I've been working out good, eating better, and all around becoming healthier again. I'm nicer to my kids. I'm not blowing my top all the time. I dont get pissy over things I cant control. I'm HAPPY without Wellbutrin!! Whaaaaaaa?!?! lol

Speaking of which, I best be off to exercise now, while I'm pumped and ready to sweat! By the time I throw my daughter in the tub and get her into bed, I'll be ready for bed myself! hehe More to blog later I'm sure!

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